


Lights and Shadows

by susako



Category: Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate
Genre: BFFs, Best Friends, Friendship, Gen, Platonic Female/Female Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-09
Updated: 2013-03-09
Packaged: 2017-12-04 18:26:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/713694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/susako/pseuds/susako
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cassie and Rachel's friendship is one of the few constants, providing moments of light even as their world darkens.</p>
<p>A series of snapshots, showcasing the friendship between Rachel and Cassie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lights and Shadows

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for the holidayanimorph exchange on livejournal for with_rainfall. The prompt was: "Best friend fic, particularly Rachel and Cassie because they get so little screentime in canon."

Cassie couldn’t remember how long she and Rachel had been friends exactly, nor could she really remember how that friendship had actually started. All that she was certain of was that Rachel had been there for what felt like forever. There to talk, there to listen, there at her side in class rolling her eyes at the boys sitting at the back talking about her. It was always Rachel there, nobody else really. Nobody that Cassie considered a friend, anyway.

Some of the other girls at school, way back when they had heard about Cassie and the animals for the first time, had automatically thought it was all horse-riding and petting fuzzy bunnies. They were always mildly disgusted by the reality and these kind of acquaintances had disappeared in a series of vague nods and civil smiles, eventually resulting in them avoiding Cassie altogether. Not Rachel. The reality of working with animals had never bothered her, only Cassie’s related lack of ‘appropriate’ clothing. It was an age-old argument, so much so that it was almost a routine. This day and this lunch period was no different.

“Come on, Cassie.” Rachel looked like the poster girl for a healthy eating campaign, all long golden hair, clear and bright skin, light coloured clothing and with a shiny red apple and fresh salad in front of her. She speared a cherry tomato with a fork, waving it at Cassie. “You have to let me take you.”

“No, I don’t.” Cassie was trying very hard to look stern but it wasn’t working. “Look Rachel, we’ve been over this. I hate the mall and you know that.”

“But why?” Rachel’s eyes bored into her as she popped the tomato into her mouth. 

“Just…”

“Cassie. They have everything you could possibly want under one roof, all at once. Food, clothes, entertainment—”

“I don’t need anything of those things, I have them at home.” Cassie had the feeling that she was going to lose this battle but she had to try, for the sake of it. Although nobody really defied Rachel once she got an idea in to her head and on this occasion, there was a steely note in her eyes.

“You need clothes, Cassie,” Rachel snorted. “I’m pretty sure that’s bird poop on your shirt.”

“What?” Cassie looked down to see on the red and black pattern was a suspiciously crusty stain. “Oh no, I swear that wasn’t there this morning.”

“Come on. You didn’t even look at the shirt this morning, you just grabbed the first thing to hand.”

“Hey, I looked at it. You know, to do the buttons up and stuff.”

Rachel only responded with a raised eyebrow. She was right, of course. To Cassie, a shirt was a shirt and it was just unfortunate that this one had something on it. Never mind, it would have become stained later anyway.

“Besides, the last time we had this conversation, you promised me ‘next time’. Remember?” Rachel speared another tomato, somewhat viciously.

“Did I?” Noticing Rachel’s semi-sweet look even as she chewed on the second tomato, Cassie frowned. “Hey, don’t flutter those eyelashes at me.”

“Hey, Rachel,” said a voice suddenly. “You can flutter those eyelashes at me any time.” It was a boy in their year, walking past with a tray of food, seeing an opportunity to flirt.

“Get lost,” Rachel replied without blinking an eye, keeping her attention on Cassie. “Yes, you did, Cassie. You said as long as I helped you out that afternoon.”

“Oh.” She remembered now. She was caught – she had promised after all and Rachel had got stuck in that afternoon like a real trooper, emerging without a single stain on her or a single hair out of place. “Well, I’m not happy about it.”

“It’s settled then!”

“What’s settled?” said another male voice.

Rachel was about to say ‘get lost’ again and accompany it with a choice finger gesture, but changed her expression upon seeing who it was. “We’re going to the mall later, Jake.”

“Oh yeah?” Jake smiled, and Cassie felt her insides melt involuntarily. “That’s great.”

Her grin now positively wolfish, Rachel looked at Cassie. That was it. Everything was lost, completely and utterly.

“I’m heading there later, actually.” Jake shifted his backpack to his other shoulder casually as he spoke, standing there as if his presence wasn’t making Cassie want to retreat into her shell like a tortoise. There had been a tortoise last week actually, in for treatment. Oh God, she shouldn’t speak or anything. Oh wait, Jake was looking at her as if expecting her to say something, as was Rachel who was ever-so-slightly quirking an eyebrow.

“Um… great!” Cassie managed to squeak. “On your own?” _Oh wait Cassie you idiot, what loner goes to the mall on their own?_

Jake smiled again and Cassie almost had to look away, she was so embarrassed. “Nah, with Marco probably.” He nodded in one direction towards where Marco was talking to some other girls. The girls were laughing, but it was unclear why.

“Cool,” Rachel said, although judging from the subtle change in her expression, the news of Marco wasn’t exactly welcome. “We might run into you later, then.”

“Sure.” Jake smiled once again (he looked so lovely when he smiled). “See you then Rachel, Cassie.” He jogged over to a devastated-looking Marco, who was watching the girls walk away laughing with their hands over their mouths.

Cassie knew without even looking that Rachel’s smirk was victorious. “Shush, you.” She went back to picking at her sandwich. “You win this time.”

“Yes. Just you wait, Cassie. I’m going to change. Your. Life. Not just your wardrobe.”

In the end though, they hadn’t been able to agree on anything and Rachel had taken pity on a clearly unhappy Cassie, deciding to just leave. On the way out they had indeed encountered Jake, Marco and another guy from school who was apparently a friend of theirs – Tobias. That night, Cassie’s wardrobe hadn’t changed at all but her life definitely had.

As she had huddled down later and tried to sleep, she looked at the stained shirt on the floor with a feeling that that was going to be the least of her problems from now on.

 

 

Cassie was at Rachel's house for a sleepover. It was very rare nowadays that she was actually there when she told her parents she was going to be there - the Animorphs used the round-robin sleepover excuse as cover quite often. It was nice to be here for real, just spending time with her friend, not worrying too much about aliens or Dracon beams or being trapped in morph or underground at the Yeerk pool.

"Do you think you could teach me how to do it?" Rachel asked Cassie, flexing her fingers.

They were sitting on Rachel's bed side by side, legs outstretched in front of them. Cassie was amused to see that Rachel's socks were pink with orange spots, and hers were a warm woolly grey. "I'm not sure it's something that can be taught," she answered honestly. "Maybe I can just... talk you through what goes on in my head if I'm really trying to do it?"

"Maybe."

"What morph do you want to try?"

Rachel was still flexing her fingers, balling her hand into a fist and stretching it out again, over and over. "How about... cat? That's my least nightmarish morph."

Cat was a good choice. Cassie looked over to make sure the door was closed and the curtains drawn, although Rachel's bedside lamp was still on so that they could see what they were doing. "Ok, so what do you do when you want to morph?"

"I just... think about that animal. And then try not to freak out when my guts and my body parts start shifting."

For the next half an hour or so, Cassie tried to talk Rachel through the process of morphing one specific body part. It was difficult in some places to find the right phrases or words to explain; for her it was almost instinctive. "Think about your hand. Think about the cat's paw. Think about the individual muscles and bones in your fingers and palm and how they correspond, but just think about your hand, nothing else. It’s like… isolating that specific part. Just that part. And the rest of you is… _you_.”

Rachel's arm would start to sprout fur, and her legs would start to shrink into her body before she stopped the morph, reversed it and tried again. The next few times it seemed to be her ears that always changed first, then her whole body started shrinking when she tried again. After a while, Rachel could get her hand to change colour and her nails a little sharper, but otherwise it just looked clumsy and misshapen.

She had given it a valiant effort. "It's just not for me, Cassie. Maybe one day." Rachel didn't look too bothered by it, although she was yawning from the effort of concentrating so intensely. "Let me see you do it."

"What would you like me to do?"

Rachel thought for a moment, then said with a smile, "how about a wing?"

Moments later, outlines drew themselves on Cassie's bare arm, like ink before carefully raising and becoming solid feathers peeling away from her skin. Her arm thinned out, and she raised it up slightly, feeling the weight of her solid human bones disappearing to become hollow bird ones. After a while, she stopped. It was strange; this time around her arm was just one large wing. Useless for flight of course, and more than a little awkward, but strangely beautiful. The feather tips right at the end of the wing almost looked like fingers in a way. She flapped experimentally, slowly, watching Rachel’s hair blow in the slight breeze created.

With a smile, Rachel removed the shade from her bedside lamp, the light hitting the wall as Cassie held her wing up. The shadow cast was a great one, lengthened slightly, a dark but beautiful stretched shape. If Cassie moved, it changed slightly. Rachel held her human arm up beside Cassie’s bird wing and they both admired the difference.

“It’s so strange, isn’t it?” Rachel murmured, looking at the two shadows on the wall. “But kinda pretty.”

“Yeah.” Cassie could see the individual parts of a feather if she looked closely at it against the light. It was almost translucent, contrasting with Rachel’s pale and opaque skin.

 

 

“How are even debating this?” Cassie asked, resisting the urge to slam down the pitchfork she was holding. She looked around at her friends, indignant. Marco was looking back at her intently, calculating. Tobias was up in the rafters, his hawk expression inscrutable. Ax was in Andalite form, his main eyes looking at her although his stalk eyes were swivelling around uncertainly. Jake was looking at his feet and although Cassie knew that that was his way of absorbing the situation and thinking it over, it hurt to think that maybe he couldn’t look at her. Finally, she looked at Rachel.

Rachel was sitting in a sunbeam, but her expression was anything but sunny. “Don’t be like that, Cassie.”  
“Like what?” Something about her friend’s tone really riled her on this occasion. “Like what, Rachel?”

“Hey, Cassie,” Marco cut in. “At least put the pitchfork down, you’re looking pretty scary right now.”

She was almost tempted to throw the pitchfork at Marco but obediently she put it to one side, leaning against the wall. Even in the middle of a temper, she was sensible.

<If I might make a suggestion, Prince Jake,> Ax said carefully, waiting for Jake to look at him before proceeding. <I am afraid that despite Cassie’s moral objections, it seems that the mission must proceed one way or another.>

“One way or another?” Cassie was removing her gloves and trying not to ball her hands into fists.

“Face it, Cassie. There _is no other way_.” That came from Rachel, and when Cassie looked at her, what she saw made her suddenly feel as if she didn’t even know her best friend. “It’s us, or them.”

“You’re talking about involving children. Using them as bait.”

“The Yeerks are already using them as bait,” Rachel countered. “The Sharing’s school outreach program? Remember?”

“You can’t separate the children out from the group in the hope that they’ll get kidnapped and lead you to the—!” Cassie was so angry that she broke off with a cry and threw her gloves onto the floor. She knew it was a childish gesture, but really she wanted to scream and sob and trash everything. It would look ridiculous, but at least it would get their attention.

“We’ll be watching them all carefully.” Marco’s arms were folded. 

“No, there has to be—” 

“For God’s sake, Cassie!” Rachel leapt to her feet. The sunlight was dancing in her hair but she looked fierce, her eyes cold. “What does it matter? It’s just a few kids, and they won’t be in any real danger! And this could really hurt the Yeerks. Fuck’s sake, what is your _problem_?”

“My problem,” Cassie shot back, “is that it’s _not right_.”

“Nothing is, with you,” came Rachel’s sharp reply. It felt like a slap.

There was only the sound of wings fluttering from above as Tobias hopped on the rafter awkwardly. Hardly anyone else was breathing. Cassie glared at Rachel and she glared back.

“You don’t have to be involved if you don’t want to be, Cassie,” Jake said, breaking the silence. His voice was gentle, but authoritative. “But we of course would appreciate you being there.”

Cassie was still staring at Rachel, who looked as if she wanted to say something further. She could imagine the sentences Rachel was forming in her head, leaving them unspoken. _Go on, coward. Get lost, we don’t need you for this. All you’ll do is stand in the way of us hurting the Yeerks._

“I’m out.” Cassie broke away from Rachel’s gaze and left the barn.

Much later, Cassie found herself going on the mission anyway to help out because sitting and waiting around would have been worse, and if it had gone wrong she would never have forgiven herself for not even _trying_ to help at least. However the mission was completed smoothly, but nobody said anything about it. Not even Rachel, who flew back with Cassie on the thermals, coasting along, her great bald eagle form majestic in the sky above Cassie’s smaller osprey. The bird part of Cassie would be mildly afraid of the larger shadow that would cross over occasionally, but somehow Cassie the girl found it comforting.

 

 

The barn at night was never absolutely quiet. There was always the sound of animals fidgeting, breathing, sleeping… It soothed Cassie. Some nights, she found herself there, sitting on the floor, amid the scents of creatures and hay and wood. This was one of those nights. It was cold, but she felt as if she was a part of the place, her legs slowly melding to become a part of the solid floor, her arms goosebumping as if her skin was becoming part of the air in here.

Above, there was a light tap as a bird settled down on a rafter. Cassie didn’t look up, but still remained sitting, tracing one finger back and forth across the floor, making an absent pattern. Her heart was heavy. All of this was too much, but her tears wouldn’t come. Her spirit was too sore to even cry. The thought of having to do another mission for the greater good, all for something which might not even end well for _anyone_ … She sighed quietly, rubbing her head with her other hand.

She didn’t hear the owl drop down from the rafters, but she saw it land in front of her.

<Somehow I knew you’d be here.> Rachel’s thought-speak was quiet and gentle. <Are you ok, Cassie?>

Cassie shook her head.

A few moments later, Rachel was sat beside Cassie, arms wrapped around her, head resting on Cassie’s shoulder. They held each other for a long time. Cassie thought that maybe Rachel was starting to freeze; she was only wearing a leotard and footless tights but Rachel, ever-stubborn, said nothing even as she started to shiver. Somehow, sitting there, feeling Rachel shake against her was almost as if Cassie was comforting Rachel through tears. But no, Rachel hardly ever cried, she was strong and solid and brave.

 

 

Sometimes it would get really cold in the free Hork-Bajir colony. There was some shelter and cover in the valley, but when walking around you couldn’t stop the odd chill wind from breezing through to pierce clothes and kiss skin. Everyone had to be careful to stay warm, stay friendly and stay optimistic. It’s getting harder and harder to do so though, Cassie thinks as she sits on the ground, looking up to see if the stars are visible. She isn’t far from everyone else, but she is far enough to be separate, to let the others know that she wants some peace and quiet, some time to pause and reflect at least for a moment.

Everyone was leaving her be for now, even Jake although he was usually the busiest person nowadays. However, when she heard an approaching heavy footfall, she knew that it could only be one person. Only Rachel would disregard any sense of being polite.

Rachel shook some dirt off her shoes before sitting down casually next to Cassie. “It’s cold tonight.” 

“I suppose.” Something in the air was making Cassie feel melancholy. She noticed that although Rachel was sitting next to her, there was a palm width between them. Before, way back when their biggest worry had been doing decently in school, playful Rachel would have sat so close that she would be almost squishing Cassie’s leg.

“Cheer up,” Rachel said with a half-smile. “It’s nearly over.”

“Is it?”

“Yeah.” As she said it, Rachel sounded confident and she tossed her hair, still beautiful and as golden as ever. “They can’t keep this up.”

“Neither can we.” 

In answer, Rachel laughed a little. She tilted her head to the dark sky. “Well, it’ll be over either way. Then I won’t have to deal with my mother trying to form some kind of government or whatever she’s doing.”

Things came so easy for Rachel, Cassie found herself thinking. There was a determined set to her jaw and a glowing fearlessness in her eyes that had been growing ever since they had been forced to flee. She loved having everything out in the open, no doubt.

“What happened to us?” Cassie said suddenly.

“What do you mean?” Rachel turned her gaze onto Cassie. In the shadows away from everyone else it was difficult to see her completely, but Cassie knew her well enough to trace the patterns and gazes in her eyes and face by heart. 

“We… Used to argue about the mall. All the time.”

“Hah. Yeah, I guess we did.” Looking maybe a little uncomfortable, Rachel turned her eyes to the sky once more.

Some distance away, they could hear the stilted speech of Hork-Bajir attempting to converse with humans, and what sounded like Rachel’s mother having some kind of meltdown.

“Let’s morph, Cassie.” Rachel stretched and rolled her head from side to side, easing out an ache. “Just to wolf or something, and go run around for a bit.”

“We shouldn’t. It’s best to stay close to everyone else.” Cassie knew that Rachel was going to roll her eyes before she even did so. Maybe she would tease Cassie about being too straight-laced, too cautious, overthinking things. “We need to be careful.”

“We’re safe here Cassie, remember? I just wanted—” For the briefest of moments, Rachel looked like she was on the verge of saying something important but just as quickly, it was gone and replaced with a customary brave smile. “I just wanted to have some fun. Before… it all gets serious again.”

Something in her tone made Cassie relent and shed her outer layer of clothing. As they morphed, the trees, the grass, the ground and the air came alive. Cassie watched Rachel’s gold hair turn to grey, her long limbs change shape and her body simultaneously stretch and round off as the wolf morph took hold. The same was happening to her, she could feel it. As the morph completed and she looked at Rachel, Cassie felt warm and her heart was aching. _Pack._ The word bubbled up unbidden and all of a sudden, it was as if everything else was melting away. _She’s my pack._ With all the wolf senses, it was if there was a blinding spotlight shining on her friend.

Rachel tossed her head to one side and loped off almost lazily, waving a tail, waiting for Cassie to follow.

And of course, she did.


End file.
